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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097706">Just A Teenager</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/13ineedpills13/pseuds/13ineedpills13'>13ineedpills13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shall We Date?: Obey Me!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Addiction, Anger Management, Anxiety, Body Image, Bullying, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Issues, Female Protagonist, Gen, Harassment, Heavy Angst, Internet, Jealousy, Loneliness, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Teen Angst, Teenage Rebellion, Teenagers, Verbal Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:01:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/13ineedpills13/pseuds/13ineedpills13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>" I can hear them say it, even if they don't speak! What was I supposed to do when I wanted to defend myself, huh?! They don't have to rub it in my face by taking pictures of me, so I threw a book on his face! He deserved it when he called me an outsider, he is the one that fucked his own family to begin with, HE should be the outsider! I've always been the outsider, so why can't HE be one!? Why is it always ME?! Why does everyone talk over me!?" "</p><p>---</p><p>I wanted to explore how a chaotic teenager would react to being stuck in literal hell but it took... a very depressing turn.<br/>Lol<br/>Mind the tags please.<br/>Teens need to be heard, since that is the most stressing part of a person's life. If you have a kid, sit down and talk to them. A lot of things can change if a teen/child feels like they are loved by a person.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lucifer &amp; Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first born raised an eyebrow to this human teenager for the fourth time that day, when he saw her skipping on the hallway tiles in a specific pattern. As if sending this stare behind her, she turned her back and stuck out her tongue at Lucifer before continuing her skipping. Lucifer just sighed behind her, and didn't say anything.</p><p>Being a human in Devildom was hard enough. However, being an adolecent child in their 14's-15's should be ten times harder. He read it in a textbook on biology a while ago, this was supposed to be one of the most emotionally complicated and insufferable period of a human's life. They would explore who they are, what they like and don't like. Sexual and romantic thoughts would cloud their minds, and sometimes they don't at all. They would explore their own gender and their social standing in this world, and question it constantly. Either way, the child would feel uncomfortable in their own skin sometimes. </p><p>Thw world would expect them to act like a fully matured adult and treat them like that, when in reality, these children wouldn't even knoe the difference between "affect" and "effect" nearly 100% of the time. No one would care about their frustration of not being able to express themselves fully, feeling confused as to why they even existed. Puberty was hell for humans. Not that he exprienced it, so he had a hard time understanding it. But he knew that mood swings and unpredictable behaviour was already a common thing among human teenagers.  </p><p>So he basically took the role of an overly concerned father of a single daughter. Well, he was already a "dad" to most of his brothers anyway. So nothing really changed, other than late night messages into the group chat with "cursed images" and strange vents, and questions. Besides, this girl reminded him of a family member he had in the past, with her strange habits and never knowing when to shut up when she got excited.</p><p>The Demon Brothers and Lord Diavolo (10)<br/>
From; Trouble Maker 0.2<br/>
&gt;  why is there a skely in luci' room<br/>
&gt;  Skely boy is lookin kinda 😤😣😳 nowadays tho ngl<br/>
&gt;  Like that skeleton is in such a position that its inviting me in it's embrace so seductively. I cant concentrate on Lucifer when skely is lookin at me like that<br/>
&gt;  I wanna hold your hand too, spooky boy. And I will one day. But not until Lucifer stops hanging you in his room like a psychopath</p><p>&lt; &lt;  Lord Diavolo is typing  &gt; &gt; </p><p>Trouble Maker 0.2<br/>
&gt;  oh<br/>
&gt;  o h<br/>
&gt;  dnzjsnxhsbxhavdgBSJXBDDKCNDKCNDKDNSJZN<br/>
&gt;  hm<br/>
&gt;  HMM</p><p>Lord Diavolo<br/>
&gt;  I didn't know you like skeletons. Does this have something to do with the fact that you think the skeleton in Lucifer's room is your distant cousin, or just halloween?<br/>
&gt;  Either way, that skeleton needs newer clothes... Don't you think so, Lucifer?<br/>
&gt;  [ Dancing man sticker]<br/>
&gt;  Oops<br/>
&gt;  [Confused demon sticker]</p><p>Satan<br/>
&gt;  There is literally SO MUCH wrong with this conversation that I have no idea where to even start.</p><p>Trouble Maker 0.2<br/>
&gt;  lucifer<br/>
&gt;  please change this chat's name from "the demon brothers and lord diavolo" to "LORD DIAVOLO and the demon brothers"<br/>
&gt;  k im going to throw myself off of the roof now bc 1) im embarassed and 2) the test week is coming and i don't wanna relive the trauma my family put me thru all these years, anybody wanna come</p><p>&lt;  &lt;  Lucifer's typing  &gt; &gt; </p><p>Trouble Maker 0.2<br/>
&gt;  yeah luci's right it doesnt really matter<br/>
&gt;  adios 👋🎵💅</p><p>Stuff like this was normal for him by now. Unexpected and goofy things. But so far, he didn't encountered anything negative, kther than a lack of motivation for literally anything. And the ability to talk about politics so seriously, then freak out over a frog in a wizard hat (because she thought it "looked like Solomon") 3 seconds later. These happy-go-lucky days didn't last long, however. </p><p>This evening, after dinner, she packed a few things inside a small bag and sat down in front of her mirror. As she brushed her hair and attempted to style it a little, she started a live stream on Devilgram. As the viewers slowly popped in and greeted her, and asked her questions, she wished them a good evening and began talking about her plans. </p><p>"Heh, so... I'm not that social. People didn't talk to me in.. um- What was it called... Sorry, my English is pretty bad today." She chuckled a little, and stopped brushing her hair for a few seconds to think. "...Uh... Oh! Yeah, middle school! Yeah, no one really talked to me in middle school. They always said I was too serious and talked about "adult things" too much... Oh no, that sounds so wrong- Noooo wait, I swear it wasn't dirty stuff!" She laughed as the comments on her small slip up flooded in, with crying cat emojis and laughing demon stickers.</p><p>""What adult things then?", well- You know. Like taxes. And the education system. The beauty standarts, aaand historical things. World War 1, racism, LGBT, abortion laws, that kinda stuff. "Now we know why you were so alone lmao." Well, I guess. I was an SJW in 7th grade, those days were rough... "Did you use Tumblr?" Yeah! I did, that place is a fucking swamp... Anyway, what was I saying?"</p><p>She put the brush down after getting rid of the tangles in her wet hair and put some lotion on them, rubbing it at the tips of her hair. Asmodeus had given this to her when she complained about her rough hair. He has been awfully kind that day, so she got a little suspicious. But she got a cool and expensive thing in return, so it wasn't that bad.</p><p>"...Oh yeah, well, I got invited to a sleepover. This is the first ever sleepover I have ever been invited to. It's a couple girls from my Human History classes. Lucifer knows them, so he agreed. I'm so excited. Well, uh- I guess 15 is a normal age to be invited to somewhere. But, no one really invites me to anywhere in high school too." She shrugged, rubbing the oil in really good while she spoke in a daze. She never liked complaining on the internet, now that her actual name and face is out there. She didn't want to seem like she wanted to have pity points. But she liked talking about her struggles so she could be someone people could relate to, anx like.</p><p>"They wouldn't even talk to me during lunches. So I just get my food and sit in my desk, or somewhere calm and quiet. Like the library. It's forbidden to eat stuff there, but it's quiet and I sneak it in my bag anyway... Kinda pathetic, isn't it? I mean, now I have friends. Lucifer is like a dad and Beelzebub gave me a chocolate bar the other day. Solomon gave me a spell book that accidentally caused me to turn into a boy, and Barbatos brings leftover sweets and scones sometimes. So my days aren't that lonely anymore." </p><p>She sighed, not reading the comments anymore. Her face lit up a bit when she talked about her friends. It's been 2 months into the program, and she never felt so full in her life before. She felt like she wasn't spending her days in waste anymore. </p><p>"But, you know. My home isn't here. So- So... A lot of weird shit happened when I came here. It's unnatural, it's not that... Nice. When this year is over, I'll still have to deal with my own exams and tests. And I genuinely don't believe I can find a job, or have the smarts to even go to university. I... doubt I can live after my 30's. Even 25's. My life would be short, probably. So I wanna be happy and careless as much as I can, I can't afford therapy and my family won't send me there even if we could afford it. Hypothetically. So I guess I'm just gonna ignore my problems until I can't escape them anymore."</p><p>
  <i>User9373; Kinda mood tho ngl</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Demonprincess55; humans already live short though</i>
</p><p>
  <i>123581321: losers team unite here</i>
</p><p>
  <i>pastel_kitty: you're smarter than most people in here</i>
</p><p>"You can't be careless with life after you are 20, especially if you are all alone." Putting the lotion down, she wiped her hands with the paper towels next to her, and reached for the plastic hair ties on the box next to her. Picking one from the box, she parted her hair into two. Then, she took one of them and parted it into three strands, and began braiding them slowly. </p><p>"You're getting old, so you have to think about bills and job. You need to graduate somehow and find a stable job so you won't die from hunger. Maybe get a partner. Get married if you want to. And maybe children... Then live your life like that. Home to work, work to home. Eat, shit, work, sleep... That's how an avarage human's life goes. So, maybe we aren't so different from angels and demons. I mean, most demons I've met outside of RAD are office workers. Which is the most depressing job you can get."</p><p>
  <i>ghost-fucker; you did em dirty 💀💀</i>
</p><p>
  <i>clappingcheeks; r/i'm14andthisisdeep</i>
</p><p>
  <i>no-thoughts-hetero-empty; well she's not wrong, i guess</i>
</p><p>
  <i>kill-all-humans; I know your entire daily routine. I'd watch my back if I were you.</i>
</p><p>"Well, us humans don't stay young forever, like you guys. If you have magic, it's another story. But if you are a regular human, than what you could do in life is pretty limited. At least that's how I think... I want to escape from my own house so bad sometimes... Eh, whatever. That's kinda too personal to share here. Yeah. Whatever, how did we come here from a sleep over talk? I'm happy. I feel like I'm being accepted by others in here, aside from the people I live with. And other exchange students. You know, they're nice to me. I couldn't thank the fate more for that."</p><p>
  <i>$$$boss-bitch$$$: Hey, it's Lynn here. Since I don't have your number and you're live right now (you won't look at my dms when you are live so...), I decided to write it from here. Kiara said there was no more room in the car, so we can't come to pick you up. I'm so sorry. I already told it to Lucifer, but I guese he didn't tell you yet. Again, I'm so sorry. Maybe another time.</i>
</p><p>She stopped braiding her hair when she read the message, word for word. She took her phone in her hands, and scrolled up on the comments to read it again. "There's no more in the car..." She repeated it to herself, the chat filling with comments that made of the situation she was in. "But- But your car has space for 5 people. Me, you, Kiara and Anna, we are 4 people... Is there someone else?"</p><p>
  <i>$$$boss-bitch$$$; Yea, Corina and Kimmie wanted to come as well. Kimmie just got outta surgery, so I couldn't say no. And Corina is my best friend. I'm sorry.</i>
</p><p>"Oh, no. No. It's alright." She put the phone back in it's place, the right side of her hair came loose in the process, while the left side was properly braided. She swallowed and slowly put the other hair tie back in it's box, pulling out the tie in her braided side as well. She ran her fingers through the braid and waved her hand, and the girl, Lynn, never appeared in the chat again.</p><p>
  <i>v^gghhhhaaaaast^v; lmaooooo 😂😂😂<i></i></i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>user35928; KIMMIE LITERALLY HAD A NOSE JOB I- KDNXKSNXKSNDSK 😂😂 AND YOU BELIEVED HER</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>thick-bagel; she's crying</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>devilgram-_-sucks: your like a kid lol what a pussy lol</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A weird ache rose up in her throat, and she frowned. She held down the choke that wanted to come out and swallowed again, looking away from the camera for a moment. The entire time she spent preparing, looking up activities to do, writing down the stories she might want to tell. She even bought a book from the library on how to improve her social skills, and began a diet so she could look pretty just like them. So she wouldn't be the "ugly, loser friend" of the group. Now, she was mad at herself for even considering that she could be their friend. Her hand rose up to wipe her eyes for a split second, before she stopped herself and laughed it off. Her voice was coming strange now, as if her nose was blocked. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She sniffled, claiming that she didn't clean her room up in a while. She finally stared into the camera again. "Well, that was strange.. I-I have to clean my room. I'm allergic to dust... Then good night, everyone." </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She turned off the stream. A few people took screenshots of her face just before she turned off the live stream, which showed her face, on the verge of crying. Swollen and red eyes, wet cheeks, furrowed brows... Turning off and putting away her phone, she wiped her eyes and sniffled once again. She hated herself for so long. She really did, and just when she felt like she could be a normal, functioning member of the society, all her hopes were crashed. She was all alone again, with people that were with her out of obligation towards Diavolo. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She sat on the floor for a while, gazing at the ground, all alone. Her hands and feet were getting cold, but her face was so warm. Social media was starting to get at her these days, it was the place she turned to when she felt like shit. But now, her messages were full of groomers. More than half of her followers were there to leave hate comments. Comments that varied from calling her a "whore", "a fat bitch", "a pig", to much disgusting things like "a walking pedo magnet". Threats of violence, death threats, harrasment, all of these were ruining her head completely. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She cried herself to sleep 3 days a week, hugging her pillow tightly. The warmth she felt when Mammon pat her head or when Asmodeus hugged her from behind and pinched her cheeks wasn't the kind of warmth she wanted, it made her feel sick. Disgusted, it was a "greenish, muddy warmth", as she wrote in her diary. "It's not like I don't like it when someone hugs me. It's just that... I don't like it when our faces are close to each other. I hate it. I don't want anyone to stare at my face, I can't control my facial expressions... And I reveal too much, I look weird. I look disgusting. And then I get embarrassed."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Around the same time, Lucifer put his phone down and sighed, wondering what he should do to make her feel better. In the end, he decided send Beelzebub in her room, as he knew that the 6th born wasn't as obnoxious or sarcastic as his other brothers. Maybe he could talk to her, and give her a safe space to rest in.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>---</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Alright..." The prince looked up from his paper work once he was done with it, and stared at her, who was sitting at his couch in an oddly relaxed and almost rude manner. She was slumped over the couch, and more than half of her body was hanging from there. Her hands were in her pockets, and she had the collar of her shirt tucked all the way up on her chin, for some reason.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Why are you here?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Lucifer sent me." She answered the question without even looking at him, and took the collar of the shirt in her mouth. She began biting and suckling on the fabric like a pacifier, which any normal person would be disgusted by. But Diavolo didn't care about that at the moment. She had a habit of munching on clothes whenever she was angry, or felt self conscious about something.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And why is that?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She let go of the fabric in her mouth. "Lucifer got angry with me today because I didn't want to be present at the group picture, so we had a fight over it. I said "Okay, but I won't take my mask off.", and then he called me an lowly outsider human and that I didn't deserved to be in the picture anyway." She sunk in the couch even more, her hair becoming messier. "...So I threw my book on his face and ran away."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She took the fabric inside her mouth again, and Diavolo raised his brows in surprise. Sure, he heard Lucifer venting from the other side of the campus very clearly, but he wasn't expecting him to freak out over... This. If anything, this was a completely understandable situation. But either she stepped on Lucifer's veins way too much today, or Lucifer was very stressed and her outburst was the thing that pushed him over the edge.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"...I didn't want to be in that stupid photo anyway. None of his brothers actually give a shit about me, so it's understandable. Even Satan agreed with Lucifer! Fucking Satan!" All of a sudden, she fixed her posture and crossed one leg on the couch, sitting on top of her ankle. This position was very comfortable whenever she wanted to talk about something. Diavolo stared at her position for a second before staring at her face.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>They were full of fire. Her brows were furrowed and small droplets of sweat formed on her forehead. Her cheeks were red from the anger she felt, the anger of not being understood by anyone. The anger of fearing rejection, and a severe lack of self worth. The anger of not being listened to, or being taken seriously. They were anxious, dark clouds of thoughts have been forming inside her head for a while now and this was the last straw before those clouds started to pour with a powerful lightening. </i>
  </i>
</p><p><i><i>"And even though the others didn't say anything, I could see it in their faces you know. I'm not stupid, I can read people! </i>"There she goes again, not this again, this is getting annoying, why is she even going on about this, lets take the stupid photo already so she would shut up, why is she even here"</i>, like shut up, I know I'm ugly, and I am not as smart!</p><p>I can hear them say it, even if they don't speak! What was I supposed to do when I wanted to defend myself, huh?! They don't have to rub it in my face by taking pictures of me, so I threw a book on his face! He deserved it when he called me an outsider, he is the one that fucked his own family to begin with, HE should be the outsider! I've always been the outsider, so why can't HE be one!? Why is it always ME?! Why does everyone talk over me!?" </p><p>Diavolo had no idea how he should react to this venting. Should he seem attentive, serious, calm, relaxed, he had no idea. So he simply sat there and listened. Clearly, she hadn't talked to anyone properly for a while about her feelings.</p><p>"But wait, it's my fault, I shouldn't expect them to think of me like a person that deserves respect, when I'm SO GOD FUCKING DAMN ugly and disgusting, pretty people with pretty bodies have it easy! YOU have it easy, Barbatos has it easy! THE CHIHUAHUA HAS IT EASY!" Her voice was quivering at this point, warm tears coming forward. Her eyes were wide open though, she almost seemed like a different person. It was unsettling. "And- and no one talks to me, it's always about them and never me! Even the girls in my class got close to me so I could arrange a date between Asmodeus and them, and then called me a pig after I texted them to hang out! </p><p>But I was stupid, they are so pretty, so why would they wanna hang out with ME!? I was never pretty, I was always ugly! That's why I wear a mask whenever we go out, I don't want anyone to see my face!" She screamed, and threw the cat shaped mask on the table to emphasise her point. Diavolo recognized the thing, she had been wearing this thing more frequently nowadays. "So why? Why do they KEEP TELLING ME that I'm cute, and act like it!? Why so they want to take pictures with me!? Why do they invite me places!? Why- Solomon is handsome, and he is older! So why me!? Why does Lucifer- Why does he bring me tea when I can't sleep?! I just can't wrap my bead around it," She held her hand with her hands, as if she wanted to shake her own head and come back to her senses. As if it hurt greatly. She shook her head, and pulled on her hair in frustration, crying out something incomprehensible. It was the point when Diavolo got up from his seat and ran to her side, holding her wrists tightly to keep her from harming herself.</p><p>She was openly crying now, hanging her head low her hair covered her face as she sobbed, full of pain and wrath. "Mammon-" She hicced through her words, her hands felt weak agganist his'. "H-he always gives me, <i>gulp</i>, s-spare change when I want t-to buy a small snack, and Asmo!" She looked up through her messy hair that fell over her face and eyes, but she was still focused on Diavolo's eyes. The prince wasn't even sure if she recognized him, or she was just breaking down blindly, with intense emotions that caused a havoc all around her brain, and what she percieved as reality. </p><p>"Asmo gave me his loose clothes just last week! And... And so much more! Why is everyone so nice when... when my ass is big and my brain is... it's so small. I don't like this, I really don't! I don't want this... I feel so ungrateful, I don't deserve any of this..." </p><p>She was out of breath by the time she was done. Her eyes were dry, painful and swollen. They looked like two bowls of dialuted blood. Her entire face was redder than a tomato, as a small string of drool went down her chin. She breathed in heavily.<br/>
The room was dead silent. Not even the wind that was blowing outside previously could be heard anymore. Her eyes slowly looked at Diavolo, to his hands that held her wrists firmly. Not too tight, but it definetly kept her from moving them. </p><p>"Is it over?" She asked quietly, mostly to herself. "I can't tell..."</p><p>"...I think it is."<br/>
He wasn't sure what the "it" they were talking about here was, but he went along with it. </p><p>"...My Lord, my hands hurt."</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry." He softened his grip, and let her go. He lowered her hands and inspected them to see if there were any bruises on them, there weren't. She smiled, leaning agganist the couch. "...You know, the last time someone held my hand... He left a huge bruise there. I thought he was going to shatter my wrist bones completely." </p><p>Diavolo knew who that "he" was though.</p><p>"...My Lord, I'm... sorry." She buried her face into the couch, her eyes feeling heavy. I kinda lost myself there... May I go now? To rest?"</p><p>"...You may rest here, if you want to. It's a pretty long walk from here to House of Lamentation."</p><p>"Just teleport me, or some shit." She laughed, though her eyes seemed tired.</p><p>Diavolo shook his head. "I have pillows and blankets on that closet over there." He pointed at the closet not so far from the couch they sat on. "I stay here on some nights when I have extra work... You'll rest in here. I don't want to have my eyes off of you now."</p><p>"For the safety of your program?"</p><p>"For the safety of yourself."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jesus<br/>I just wanted to post this already,,,,</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The loud clanks and the motors of certain veichles were heard from the construction site that was close by, as they sat on the office together.</p><p>Lucifer and her haven't talked ever since the event. She haven't come down for dinner, breakfast, and she usually came to RAD pretty late. She didn't attend the classes Lucifer and her had in common, and she changed her route if she was a person that remotely resembled Lucifer. She didn't talk to the brothers much either, and began hanging out with Luke. They were close in age, even if it was more than a thousand years. </p><p>Diavolo usually found himself tapping on his desk or bouncing his knee whenever he sat down to work. But his mind was always somewhere else. Barbatos noticed this as well, but because he had no idea what to do as well (other than sending her to the therapy), so he was in a conflicted state as well. One day, about 3 days later, he decided that the best way to handle with this is sitting down and talking to everybody. A simple path to solution, and everyone can be heard.</p><p>So, he sent an invitation to each house and sent her to Purgatory Hall to hang out with Luke. Barbatos told him that "The brothers, Solomon, Simeon, his lord and him were going to discuss things that concerned the RAD's latest policies, and the two of them were most likely going to be bored.", and with a few protests from the kid and reluctantly agreed with him later, he had dealt with everything. They should be playing the stuff he brought from the human world now.<br/>Now, for the hardest part.</p><p>"...Can you close the window, Barbatos? I can't focus." Simeon politely requested, scratching his hair a bit. Everyone except him and Solomon seemed tired, the two had no idea what this was about after all. Lucifer and Diavolo, by far, looked the worst. Though both men showed a wall of composure in front of others. Lucifer had a small, red mark on his forehead. It just seemed like regular discoloration from far, but it definetly happened after he hit it to somewhere. Barbatos did as he was told, and looked at everyone for a second, observing them.</p><p>Mamnon huffed. "This is 'bout her, right?"</p><p>"Something happened?" Solomon frowned a little, with confusion. "She seemed fine when I've last seen her."</p><p>"She's far from fine, trust me." Diavolo mumbled to himself.</p><p>"Will someone explain what's going on, properly?" Asmodeus snapped, leaning back on his seat. "I don't understand why there is an elephant in the room."</p><p>"I agree." Satan played with the leather cover of his book. "Though I think I know what happened... This is about the fight she had with Lucifer, and how she's been acting weird lately. Right?" Barbatos nodded, and Diavolo took a deep breath. Rubbing his temples, he looked over at Lucifer, who was staring down at his lap, before turning to everyone else.</p><p>"She had a pretty bad breakdown here 3 days ago. I mean screamimg, trying to rip out her hair, crying, extreme self deprication, the whole package. I'm worried about her, she said some concerning things."</p><p>All of the brothers averted their gazes in their own way, knowing very well that maybe if they approached the situation differently from the beggining, this wouldn't have happened. Solomon had put one leg over the other, with his hand on his chin. Simeon was processing the information he just got, and tried to make a full picture inside his head to understand the situation. "Well, obviously, this didn't just happen abruptly." Solomon said suddenly. "She must be having these thoughts inside her head for a long while."</p><p>"Her Devilgram account is worse." Leviathan looked through the account, reading a couple posts aloud. ""I woke up really tired", "I hate existing sometimes", "so ugly lmao"... The comments at the lower section are just horrible on all of her posts. Ugh... A bunch of 4-chan losers gathering around and attacking her, what a normie move... No, this is worse. This is an incel move. Look at Asmo's selfie with her."</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: damn, i didn't know asmo went for younger girls 💀💀</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: why is he posing next to a pig with a shitface?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: This is why 2/10 girls shouldn't hang out with 10/10 guys</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: asmo's wasting his time with her</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: how much yall wanna bet that she paid him to take a photo with her lmaoooo 💸💸</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: Never thought he would go as low as takin a pic with HER</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: fat whore</i>
</p><p>
  <i>○○○○: "self care" pfff if she cared about herself she would've fixed that 7000lbs body a long time ago</i>
</p><p>"...You don't check the comments, right?" Simeon said, his face showing a very heartbroken look. The angel felt horrible while reading all that, and imagining what his little lamb felt like while getting these on a daily basis tightened his chest. His angelic instincts were always there to protect humans agganist harm, yet he failed to do so this time. He looked down in shame, and Asmodeus nodded. He locked his phone after exiting Devilgram. Biting his lip softly, he put the the round corner of his phone to his chin and stayed quiet.</p><p>...</p><p>"...Aaaargh! What is this!? How can anyone say this to anyone, let alone a kid!?" Mammon threw his phone on the floor with anger, the screem turned black and the phone shattered into pieces. Beelzebub flinched at his sudden anger. "She's so small and stupid but she doesn't deserve this! Why is everyone stayin' quiet!? I... I- I failed as a protector, and her first demon, and her best friend, so I get it if y'all give me shit for this but- For fuck's sake, say somethin'!"</p><p>"Failed as a protector?" Satan questioned, looking at the table as he spoke while he tapped on the book in his hands. His eyes didn't leave the  "It's not just you. It's not just online harrasment and grooming... We've all hurt her in some shape or form. Especially me..." He gripped his own wrist tightly, veins popping out of his neck and arms. His voice was flat, but his eyes showed it all, along with the feather boa that began to form on his shoulders. He felt a hand on his shoulder pulling on the feathers and looked away from the table, and met Leviathan's eyes. He was worried, holding his game console tightly agganist his chest. </p><p>"Um... Satan, I don't think you should transform. Not now... Like you said, we've all hurt her. So, don't get angry."</p><p>The 3rd born pulled his hand away after Satan took a deep breath, and retracted his form completely. Lucifer would be normally surprised at how he managed to calm Satan down before shit hit the fan, but he was far too inside the pool of guilt to react to anything. He looked at the posts Levi mentioned, and suddenly, everything clicked inside his head. The evenings when she looked oddly tired, why she skipped on meals, got angry when Lucifer didn't let her sleep past noon, why she slept so much at school, why she refused to step inside the cafeteria, didn't want to wear anything that exposed her arms, legs and even her neck, why she wrote so many stories and drew so many characters, suddenly getting interested in make-up and feminine clothing, only to throw all of them away later, skipping styles constantly, and acting like someone she's not...</p><p>She did all of that, just so she could be seen as someone who's pretty. She wanted to be loved and approved by other people, she wanted to have friends. Loneliness was something she was scared of, yet she hated being around others. Now, he kind of knew why she was so quiet as she stared into the sky from the rooftop of RAD, or ate lunch with him on some days. </p><p>"...I always found her snacking whenever she skipped dinner." Beel looked away, pulling Lucifer out of his  spiral of thoughts. "I told her that it was not healthy, but she always avoided it when I mentioned it. So I stopped warning her, but... I think that was a mistake. I should've told it to Lucifer sooner." Beel scratched his arm slowly as he spoke. </p><p>"She's also really picky about the stuff she wears." Asmodeus spoke after a long while. "Nothing can show her legs past under her knees, nothing can fit snugly on her arms, nothing can be shorter than her elbows, and she can't show her collar bones. Her back is a forbidden territory, her stomach and thighs are like her arch nemesis at this point.." He leaned forward and rubbed his temples, sighing. </p><p>"...Whenever I see her looking at a mirror, she holds her breath in to see how she would look like if she was skinnier. She gets especially bad when there is an event or a party going on... And you wanna know something? I made her cry during the retreat, because I called her a fucking "funeral atendee" when she wore the only dress she liked to look at herself in." His eyes were getting teary.</p><p>"...She doesn't go inside the shower or wash 'er face unless I force her to." Mammon leaned on the door frame, looking at the door directly with his sunglasses. He didn't want anyone to see his red eyes. But by the way his voice quivered, everyone could tell he was on the verge of crying. "...I... I called her stupid a lot. I never called her by her name. I was such an ass when she felt like shit... It's my fault."</p><p>Simeon and Solomon looked at each other, not knowing what to say or do. Solomon didn't know what her family was like, but he did hear some stuff about her personal life in snippets. Sometimes, she accidentally slipped them, or she was just in a mood to talk and give away too much. Simeon, on the other hand, had no idea how he was going to face this poor human after. How could he have not realized how broken this girl was, how she was struggling each day? He should've gotten a hint when she wanted advice about the increasing violent and angry thoughts she had during class, and how she was afraid of aging.</p><p>"...What's the point of being alive if you're not young anymore?"</p><p>"Huh?" Everyone said in unison, and Barbatos only raised a brow, surprised at the sudden question. Simeon continued. "She asked me this a few weeks ago. I can't give too much, since I promised her to not talk about anything she told me, but... She said she asked herself this question a lot recently. I... I was very concerned. Though I didn't show it. I was going to tell Lucifer about this later, to send her to a therapist since I can't do much as an angel, but... Well, we all know what happened."</p><p>"But why... She's only fifteen! Why would she think about- about THAT!?" Asmodeus asked, panicked. "What if she harmed herself, and that's why she wears long sleeves even in this hot weather!? She- She did went off about that in her livetream a week ago, but I don't understand, what caused her to think like that!?"</p><p>"...Maybe knowing that we are immortal, so we look and act young, caused her to think that way." Solomon explained. "Though I don't can't tell what's going on inside that brain of hers, I can definetly say she's been interested in song writers that have commited suicide or died very young. One of them died when he was 20 via suicide, the other one died from a heart disease in his early thirties... It's is understandable, listening to sad or violent songs is a common coping mechanism for humans."</p><p>"We definetly need to expand our information, so we can help her properly...Hey, Barbatos, you've got any ideas?" Diavolo said, speaking for the first time after -almost- a full 30 minutes of silence.</p><p>"May I speak my mind freely, my lord?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"I think discussing what might have made her like this, and nitpicking her habits caused by her possible depression is very rude towards her." His normally neutral voice was immedietly gone, a light frown on his face was clear as day. "Instead of trying to see through her problems, we should help her. That's why I have gathered everyone here today with Lord Diavolo's permission. We are here to figure out how we can help her, not blame whoever we have on our minds about the situation, or try to figure her out completely. This is slowly turning into idle gossip."</p><p>He cleared his throat under eleven dumbfounded faces and returned back to his old self, taking back his place behind Diavolo's chair with his hands on both of his sides.</p><p>"...Now, judging by her personality, she would get angry at us very quickly and distance herself if she figures out we are trying to make her feel better behind her back. My suggestion is, we should bring her here and explain the situation to h-"</p><p>"No." Lucifer said, and got a glare from everyone in the room. He swallowed, and quickly added. "What I mean is, we can't let her in here while everyone is here. Or else..." He turned his gaze at the glass table, staring at his own reflection. His own crimson red eyes, his own hair with grey tips. His own, shallow self.</p><p>"...she will feel embarrassed. Shameful for feeling like that. She will think she is not allowed to feel bad, and will hide herself even more because of it. She has way too much pride to allow herself to be seen vulnerable. So..." He looked back at his lap, playing with the tips of his gloves to hide his nervousness. "There is no way I will allow anyone, or even even you to be here, Diavolo. I will explain what will happen to her myself. I... was the one to drag her into this mess anyway."</p><p>Diavolo nodded slowly, after looking at Barbatos for a second. "Do what you must for her safety, Lucifer."</p><p>"Very well. I will call her over to my office this evening. Besides that, we'll have to figure out who will do what for her later on."</p><p>---</p><p>"...If you consume the blood and flesh of a demigod in a room full of chanting elders, you don't deserve to call other people evil Luke."</p><p>"Catholicism sounds weird when you put it that way..."</p><p>"I KNEW YOU WOULD AGREE WITH ME. So, are we makin' apple cookies now? Please? I've been craving them for MONTHS ever since I arrived here, pleaaase? I'll give you anything you want for a day!"</p><p>"Wha- I'm an angel! I don't do favours for money like that greedy idiot called Mammon!"</p><p>"So is that a yes? That's a yes, right? Right? Right? Right? Hm? Hm? Hm? Hmmmmm?"</p><p>"...Uuuuugh! You're so annoying! Fine, we'll make apple cookies instead of chocolate chip and frozen strawberries! You'd better buy me vanilla ice cream after this!"</p><p>"Aw... Hey, you just told me you don't do favors for money!"</p><p>"Ice cream is not money!"</p><p>"But I pay money!"</p><p>"That's not my problem!"</p><p>"Hhhhhhnnn, my poor wallet..." She rubbed the outside of her cheap wallet and pretended to shed a tear, before smiling widely and giving a hug to the tiny angel. The hug was warm, and tight. Luke's clothes smelled like laundry detergent and they were very soft, his hair was fluffier than anything she had ever felt. "Thank you." She said quietly, while he stuttered as he tried to get a few words out between "I'm not a kid" and "No problem". His ears were pretty red, and that made her smile. Giving him one last squeeze, she let go and stretched her joins. "Oh to stand without my back aching..."</p><p>"You sit in a weird position all the time... I can give you a massage, if you want to later." Luke muffled out as he picked out the ingredients, and put them in the counter. She smiled as a response, and helped him out for a while. Mixing, whisking, carrying out instructions, making weird shapes with the dough, over filling the cookies, putting them on the oven after much debate on who's gonna do it, and getting flour everywhere... </p><p>"WHY DID YOU WROTE A CUSS WORD ON MY FACE WITH FLOUR!?"</p><p>"HHHH-phwaHAHAHA! I <i>fucking</i> WROTE "HECK", YOU CHIHUAHUA! HHAHAHAHA!"</p><p>"D-D-DON'T SAY THAT WORD!" </p><p>"Which one...?" She asked, out if breath with a red face. Wiping her eyes, she coughed a couple of times, trying to relieve her lungs. The brothers that have came with Lucifer to the Purgatory Hall to pick her up were greeted with her echoing laugh, which was both funny (since she had the weirdest of laughs ever) and sad. Lucifer looked down at his shoes for a second before putting his chin high up, and walking to the kitchen while the residents of Purgatory Hall walked inside with him, and the brothers waited at the door.</p><p>"Oh, Simeon... Wh-Why is HE here?" Luke's welcoming tone was immedietly changed to his regular angry chihuahua one, so that wasn't surprising. He started at Lucifer blankly before realizing that Simeon and Solomon weren't hallucinations and they were actually there. He quickly covered his forehead and eeped, wiping the flour off of him.</p><p>"That was very welcoming of you." Lucifer said nonchalantly and looked at her. She was still expriencing the aftermath of that horrible laughing fit, and smiling widely with her round cheeks. She kept giggling with her low voice, and then going back to high pitched giggling aggain. Her vocal cords were developing slowly, her voice cracked a lot sometimes. And that, of course, included her laugh as well. She was insecure about that as well.</p><p>Putting on his neutral expression, he looked at the cookies on the counter. "I see. You have been baking while we were gone."</p><p>"It smells delicious, doesn't it?" Simeon commented and walked inside the kitchen, washing his hands at the sink. He smelled the air and sighed. "Apple cookies.. You can smell it all the way from the door. Wonderful job as usual, you two."</p><p>"Definetly better than mine." Solomon chuckled, stealing one of the cookies from there, much to the younger angel's protests. He bit into it after putting one hand beneath the cookie to avoid any crumbs falling on the floor. He hadn't eaten lunch that day, and this wasn't a healthy alternative. But it would keep his stomach from rumbling until dinner. </p><p>The cookie was still warm, the filling was mellow. The dough was little hard on the outside and fluffy on the inside. The had sprinkled some powedered sugar and cinnamon on it, the filling also had a decent amount of sugar and apple pieces. It was wrapped like a croissant too, and was about the size of his palm. "...Tastes delicious."  </p><p>"Luke's pretty good when it comes to cooking, so..." She averted her eyes. </p><p>"Huh? But you helped me out as well...?"</p><p>"Eh, I only did some whiskin', shapin' and shit." She never liked taking compliments or gratitude, because she didn't know how to react to them, but for some reason she always craved for them. Even during her study sessions with Lucifer, she managed to convince him to give her a head pat or a "good job" whenever she got a question right. Or when she drew something nice, she expected compliments. Not criticism. She had gotten that "criticism" in the form of insults for so long, that she was afraid of it by now.</p><p>And instead of inspiring her to be better, criticism only lowered her motivation and self confidence.<br/>But what did he even expect? Why did he expect a teenager to think that way? It wasn't just him, this was a severe problem in the entire world. People expected teenagers to act like adults but treated them like children, when in reality, they weren't suited to be neither. If a person was raised in a pozitive and supportive enviorment, maybe they would mature faster and learn how to take criticism, but it was her we're talking about here. And he was one of those people that pushed younger people like that. </p><p>"I'm gonna pack some of these up so we can eat at home later. Please tell Beel to not eat all of them at once since we got these apples from the human world, and if I see that they are gone by tomorrow, I'm going to throw up gang signs and commit arson in a church."</p><p>"NO! Not a church!"</p><p>"It would be an interesting case to study."</p><p>"SOLOMON!"</p><p>"That would be a big trouble now, wouldn't it?" Simeon tried his best to smile naturally, but it was a little strained and troubled.</p><p>"Certainly." Lucifer agreed. "As you can tell, I've come to pick you up, gather your stuff. I'll be over at the door with my brothers. "We're getting dinner from Hell's Kitchen tonight by the way." He gestured towards the door, where others stood. He said, and mumbled on his way out from the kitchen "Your favorite."</p><p>"Whooo! Hell's Kitchen!" She rooted, and Luke huffed with anger. Simeon chuckled at them and Solomon left quietly after giving her a small smile. "...Not that I will eat much, but it's still nice that we're ordering stuff there. Tastes magical." She scratched her head and looked towards the counter. He picked half of the cookies from the tray one by one and put it inside a box with Luke's help. Kissing both boys on the cheeks as a goodbye and asking Simeon to give her regards to Solomon, she left the Purgatory hall with the box in her arms.</p><p>She didn't see it, but Simeon was looking very concerned as he watched her back moving away.</p><p>---</p><p>"Hmmm.... Aaaa... Ooooo.. Upupupu... Boooobubububu... Bababababaaaah... Nyom-yom-yom-yom..."</p><p> "...What the hell are you doing?" Lucifer asked, stopping himself from turning on the lights to look at the girl, who was already laying on his couch with her arms and legs spread open. She was mumbling incoherent things like a baby by herself, her cheek pressed agganist the . When did she even get there, he had no idea, but he wasn't going to question it. </p><p>"...Nyom- Oh. That? Uh... I dunno, it's a habit. Especially the "upupupu" part. I like saying that. Upupupu... You can say it too if your brain doesn't want to work sometimes. Make weird noises to comfort yourself... Hey, what happened today at the meeting with Diavolo?" She rose up when Lucifer turned on the lights and closed the door, and walked to his desk to pick some coffee. Putting some water on the kettle, he prepared two mugs and some cold milk. She got into her usual comfortable position and watched him, biting the inside of her lip and making a duck face ever so often. </p><p>"You have milk there..." She suddenly said, catching his attention. He nodded, and turned his back to loosen his tie and get rid of his waistcoat. He neatly hung them on their places, and and sat on the space next to her. She hadn't taken her coat off yet. He extended his arms out, expecting her to turn around and accept a helping hand with taking her thick coat off. But instead, she opened her arms as well and scooted close to his side, hugging him.</p><p>"..."<br/>Lucifer's hands stayed on the air for a while.</p><p>"...Lucifer. I'm sorry." She mumbled to his chest, pressing her forehead there. Her voice was meek, awkward. Clearly not used to giving proper apoligies. "I overreacted. A lot... I hate having my pictures taken, and you know that. But I... Shouldn't have thrown that book at you. Or called you a piece of horse shit. That was not poggers at all." She let him go after a while, getting rid of the white coat she had on finally. She didn't miss the way Lucifer hesitated before hugging her. Was she that repulsive?</p><p>"...I'm sorry." She said one more time, looking away. "I don't like aplogies. No one has ever apologised to me for doing or saying something hurtful, so I'm not used to it. I never apologized to people because I felt remorse. I've always did it so I could get my ass out of trouble."</p><p>"I figured it. The last part, at least."</p><p>She chuckled, and scratched the back of her head. "I pretended to have an anxiety attack at school when this bitch picked a fight with me, then didn't accept my apology. It was humiliating to have my apology thrown away in front of a bunch of people, so I genuinely cried because of that. But somewhere in my head, I knew that I was pretending to freak out. I knew that if I didn't apologize, they would call my parents and I thought I would get disciplinary stuff on my record, so I tried to get people to be sorry for me."</p><p>"When I checked your files, I couldn't find a single bad thing in your record. You got away with it?"</p><p>"They didn't contact my parents, because it was my first ever fight and most teachers loved me, plus, I was a senior. I never told anything to my parents either, so I got away with it..."</p><p>Lucifer felt his unseen wings twitch when the atmosphere in the room changed all of a sudden, an aura he was very familiar with started to form around her body. Any demon would feel this if they had encountered it. The aura of sin was attractive to many demons, but in this case, instead of feeling satisfaction, Lucifer frowned a little with concern. Why did she abruptly felt his sin, out of everything?</p><p>"...My phone would be taken away if I didn't get her to shut up in some way, that made me angry as well." She crossed her arms, staring ahead of her blankly and tapping her on the floor. "My tactic worked nontheless, I made my teachers feel sorry for me. That day was like paradise to me. I got into a fight, squeezed someone's throat and won a fight, my friend punched her eye instead of me and caused her to be absent from school for a few days, then the school didn't call anyone... It was just a string of events that worked out in my favor."</p><p>"You don't feel sorry for the things you did." Lucifer looked at her directly, and she nodded. </p><p>"Exactly." She looked away and bit her lip for a second. "...I might sound like an edgy teenager, or a person with no morals, but... Something in my head thinks that my phone is more important than her swollen eye, or her wounded pride when I called her a cheap whore. It tells me that she can go ahead and die in a ditch anyway, no one would notice it. Unliked people are destined to be left alone in the end... But the same voice tells me that I am the same, ironically."</p><p>"...It's as if that thing isn't something that's bound to you." Lucifer said, trying to relate her to a little by guessing what she might feel like. "It's only there to be an obstacle that insults both you, and the people around you. Like a styrofoam between the inner and outer wall of a building."</p><p>"Exactly." She nodded frantically.</p><p>"What happened the next day?"</p><p>"Everyone praised me when I caused her to get that punch in her eye. And... And it felt so amazing. I couldn't stop grinning after that. They all thanked me, because no one liked her and couldn't say anything to her." She raised her legs to her chest, trying to feel a bit warm under the cold light of the office. </p><p>"...I wasn't like this when I was little. I don't like it when I feel like that. I can't remember what I was like when I was little. But I can't remember what I felt, how I thought, it's just a blur. It's like we are the exact same person, just smarter, but at the same time this past me is an entirely different person. I can't remember, or understand anything... There is supposed to be something there. But I just don't know."</p><p>"...Is it like losing your memories?"</p><p>"No, it's not... Like, my parents. For example. They're... you know..."</p><p>She trailed off, and Lucifer put a bit of distance between them. He looked away. He didn't want to seem like he demanded answers from her, and that wasn't what he was trying to do either. He knew what it felt like to be pushed for answers in personal situations. So, he was going to leave her be for a while. Luckily, she was smart enough to catch onto that, and gave him a small smile before she got back inside the tunnels of thoughts inside her head. </p><p>"..." She crossed her legs on the couch and waved around for a while, looking inside her hand. One might even say that she was dissociating there, that's how blank and thoughtless her face was. She blinked a couple of times for fun, scratched her hair, and looked back at him. "...I feel like there should be memories of my parents, like them and I, doing fun stuff together. Talking together. Them taking care of me besides giving me food or bathing me, or putting me to sleep. But I can't seem to find any before the time I could understand what religion, and growing up, and... just, generally being more aware of my surroundings. Where I lived, where I hung out, stuff like that. Before 3rd grade."</p><p>She leaned agganist the arm rest of the couch and turned her body towards Lucifer, pressing her cheek agganist the couch itself. "...I don't want to call them negligent, but... They never taught me anything socially. Or told me anything besides basic morals, half heartedly. Or lied to me over simple things that was a huge deal inside my brain, and then laughed about it later... I just don't know. They were just absent. Especially my dad... Lucifer, you're like a father to me, you know."</p><p>A part of Lucifer's brain was paying close attention to her words and explanations, while the other one thought about how to talk to her about her potential therapy sessions and the general stuff they talked about during the meeting. But when those words left her mouth, one hundred percent of Lucifer's attention was put onto her suddenly. Him, a father figure? He wouldn't think of that in a million years. </p><p>"...My father is a lot like you. He is cold. Distant. He's easy to anger, and will resort to violence if we push his limits. He has little patience over anything and can sometimes speak ignorantly because of his own pride. He can't think he is wrong. So he's really annoying, and strict."</p><p>
  <i>Ouch.</i>
</p><p>...<br/>Wait, why did he hear that- </p><p>He said that out loud, without thinking and caused her to freeze. She stopped when she realized she went too far and put a hand over her mouth, smiling out of embarrassment. Lucifer's small daggers in the form of stares caused her smile to widen, and she started to giggle. "Heh... hehehe, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry! Heheh-hahaha! Sorry..."</p><p>"I'll leave if I'm that bad then." He said, teasing her. Of course, he wasn't that offended by her remarks, he was better than that. But he decided to take it one step further and get up from his seat. "Heh- No, no, no! Let me finish, no, let me finish! Hahaha!" A pair of small hands grabbed his clothes and pulled him back, and he looked at them for a few seconds. "...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put it that way. But I was gonna tell good things later, I swear!"</p><p>He gave into a small smile, and sighed. "...Fine. fine. I'l believe you." </p><p>Sitting back on the couch, he realized that the atmosphere turned normal again. There was no more sin going around in the air. She continued to speak.</p><p>"...He may be strict. But once he laughs at a joke, or hugs me, or getd generous and affectionate, I feel like I can do anything under his protection. I feel like he is there. I feel safe. And protected. But those times never last longer than fifteen minutes, and lose their effectiveness completely... I love my dad, more than anyone. I want to feel his arms around my shoulders when I feel down. I want him to compliment on my appearance instead of making fun of me."</p><p>She took a deep breath, feeling tears coming through.<br/>Her father was an extremely sensitive subject.</p><p>"...I've almost lost him a couple of times. From something heart related. His head would spin, his chest would ache, he would collapse on the floor, and each time I would feel... Terror. To see the man that carried me on his shoulders in the convenience store when I got tired, in my childhood years, so weak like that..." </p><p>She looked down to wipe her eyes, sighing deeply. Biting the inside of her cheek, she sniffled and swallowed. "...He is old too, around his fifties. If anything were to happen, I would lose my mind." She looked back up as she spoke, her cheeks were shining with tears. Her throat bobbed a little. </p><p>"...I love him, Lucifer. I don't want him to commit suicide because I'm a bad kid, because I'm a bad, non-religious girl. Because I'm a sinner- I... Because I..." She trailed off, her tongue didn't work when she wanted to go on from that sentence. So she changed the topic. She didn't keep eue contact the entire time, and Lucifer reminded himself that she was very weak when it came to eye contact. Most of the time, during conversations, she didn't look at someone in the eye easily. He hated that, but he guessed that there must be an underlying reason for it.</p><p>"How does this relate to you? Well, it's complicated. You are similar to him. And sometimes, I just want to have a father that I can trust. That I can get proper care from. That doesn' smoke a lot and scream at my siblings and mom, or be highly religious and conservative. I just want... to be loved. For what I'm born as, for what I believe. I don't want to be a replica of my parents and shut my brain off. I don't want to repeat their words inside my head, but I just can't stop."</p><p>"What do they tell you?" He asked out of curiosity.</p><p>They tell me that I'm fat, that I need to stop. That I look like a cow. That no one would love me, they make me feel like I'm worthless. And I am a worthless human being that won't be remembered in, like, fifty years. Long after I'm dead, I know. But... But it still hurts. To be constantly reminded that I'm ugly, that I'm fat. That the only coversation that revolves around me is either my grades, how annoying I am, or how fat I am. I know I'm ugly. I know no one would love me, I know.  But then, they make fun of me for wanting to do some exercise to give off some weight. </p><p>Sometimes, I want to stop eating, but I can't. So I eat a lot. But then I feel guilty whenever I look into the mirror, I feel like I have no control over who I am anymore. I feel like I'm... I'm gaining more weight each time I stare at the mirror. I can't even take pictures of myself anymore, I don't even have the motivation to brush my hair. I eat, feel like shit, skip meals, then snack a lot, then eat, and the cycle continues. I want to get rid of myself. </p><p>You and your brothers, and the others... They are the only ones that look at me like I'm a person. That... You guys are the only ones that call me nice things. That hang out with me. That- I'm scared of getting old and having you all only as a memory after I leave." She held Lucifer's wrist tightly, as if not wanting to let him go. As if he was going to run away the moment she let him go.</p><p>"I'm scared of growing up." Lucifer could hear how fast her heart was beating, how anxious she was. He swallowed, and ignored the ache at the back of his eyes for a while. He noticed the waterfall of tears on her eyes, how she had already pulled her legs agganist herself. How small she wanted to be at that moment. So small, that she just disappeared. </p><p>"...Come here." He said, leaning back and opening his arms. She immediately scooted to his side and wrapped his arms around her chest, sniffling and burying her face into his chest as Lucifer ran soothing circles on her back. "I hate it," She hiccuped, her voice coming our gargled. "I hate it so much" Another hic. "that-that it hurts, at this point. I'm so attached to everyone in here. But... But I know I'm gonna leave. I know I don't deserve anyone's love, I don't deserve anything."</p><p>Lucifer just hugged her tighter, letting her emotions pour out. She couldn't see it, but there were smal tears in his eyes as well as he thought about that eventual day."</p><p>"I'm just a girl with a pool of shit as a stomach. And a brain tinier than a bird's. I know. I know, because my sister told me." She nodded, whispering to herself. Lucifer turned his attention back at her, when he realized that she was slowly losing her grasp on the reality before her.</p><p>"Because I always eat, yeah." She pressed her head on his chest even more. Her voice was muffled at this point, but Lucifer could make out what she was saying. "Because I always eat everything in the house, and leave nothing. Y-Yeah." She nodded to herself, and Lucifer watched her for a while. To figure out what was going on with her between her sobs and weird mutterings. </p><p>"B-because I'm an ugly glutton. I'm worthless." Yet another hiccup. "B-But I can't stop. A-and no one listens. No one. Not even a single one. No one. Everyone at RAD thinks like that too. Everyone on Devildom thinks so too. The dude that looked under my skirt a few days ago thinks so too. The dude that touched my chest when he tried to get the kitten on me off of me thinks so too. Everyone. Even you, even Diavolo thinks I'm an ugly, pathetic failure. I know, the monsters are nearby, they always tell the truth! I kno-." She nodded a lot, her thoughts spinning and spewing everywhere like a merry-go-round out of control.</p><p>"Stop." Lucifer pulled her away, holding her by her shoulders. He waved a hand around her face, trying to pull her back into reality. As if her lips were was sealed shut together, she went quiet and looked at his tie in shame. Her head was still screaming loudly, but she didn't say anything else. Lucifer's silence and stern eyes scared her, causing her to shift in his arms and nervously scratch her head. <i>It was a mistake to talk.</i> she told to herself. <i>I over talked and freaked him out again. I need to leave. First Diavolo, and now him. Great. Great job. You've lost control of yourself again. You don't deserve anything, you're fine. You're just acting for attention.</i></p><p>
  <i>You don't have any trauma.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>You're just overexaggerating things.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>If you feel so ugly, then do some push ups and lose weight you ugly bitch.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>You fucking pig.</i>
</p><p>"I... I'm sorry. I know this is awkward. I'm sorry. I'll- I'll leave now. I know I shouldn't be attached. I'm sorry... I'll leave-"</p><p>"No, you won't."</p><p>"...Ha?"</p><p>"Let me rephrase that." He put her back in her original place on the couch, and looked at her directly in her eyes as he held her hands tightly in a reassuring way. "...You won't leave until I'm sure that you will sleep comfortably tonight. And I've also got a few things I must tell you. Now..." He stroked her hands a little, softening his face a little when he realized how clenched his jaw was, and his frown. He took a good look at her face again, still under the effects of the heavy roller coaster of emotions she went through in the span of half an hour. </p><p>Her frightened eyes that held way too much burden for her age, the amount of guilt and suffering she went through, the throughts that were planted in her head with force for years, the online and sexual harrassment... It was the first time he was hearing all of this at once, and he wanted to hit his forehead on his desk repeatedly for not noticing anything. Once this whole thing was over, he was going to burn every single one of those demons into ashes. But, that had to wait. She came first.</p><p>He never knew how to comfort people, let alone a child. But he had read some things in the past from Satan's library (without his permission), so... <br/>Yeah, he was going to be horrible with this.</p><p>"...Take a deep breath, and calm down. I'm here, and I'm not angry at you for anything. Okay? I will be there until those monsters are gone." <br/>Her scratch covered hands were cold, and a little sticky with tears. But he didn't mind it.  "...F-Fine." She wiped her face with her sleeve, and took a deep breath with him. In, and out. In, and out... </p><p>This continued for a while, before she had completely calmed down. Lucifer sat her down, and had a lengthy talk with her that night.</p><p>---</p><p>"Recognizing your own self worth isn't easy. After a while, your brain both thinks very highly of yourself, and pushes you down constantly at the same time. Intelligent beings feel sad, because even if they don't recognize that at that moment, maybe for years, they know that they deserve to be happy, and healthy. They deserve to be in control, and live a normal life like everyone else. You think so as well, don't you?"</p><p>"...Yeah."</p><p>"Do you deserve to smile? And I want you to answer it without thinking."</p><p>"..."</p><p>"Hey, I said no thinking."</p><p>"I-I... I don't know."</p><p>"That's fine. Because that's why we will send you to therapy back in the human world."</p><p>"Am I leaving!?"</p><p>"No, you're not. Let me finish... I'm going to bring you there myself a week later. I've already found a doctor... We're genuienly concerned for you. My brothers think of you as a sister, and they want the best for you. At this point, the program is nowhere as important as your health. And, we do not want to take anyone else in your place, as we are already a couple months through it already. It would be troublesome for me to fill out new paperwork and look on different candidates."</p><p>"Hehe... That's so like you... Okay. I'll get that therapy."</p><p>"I'm... proud of you. Don't forget that. Each step you take with us won't be in vain. I will also find those worthless, unnecessary parasites that dared to touch you like that under Diavolo's protection... But now, I need you to trust me enough to hand me your phone." He said, not missing the immediate discomfort on her face. She shifted in her seat once again, taking her phone out of her pocket. </p><p>"...My sister used to look through my phone without permission. She would say that I shouldn't have any problem with giving my phone to her if I had nothing to hide. She found out a lot of things through force multiple times, and then threatened me with telling it to my parents. It's not like I think you would do that. But..."</p><p>"I understand." Lucifer looked away in thought, trying to come up with a solution. "But if I let you look at your D.D.D. and personal phone, it will do more harm than good. You look at Devilgram models a lot, and you are afraid of looking at yourself in the mirror, or taking pictures of yourself. I noticed that you covered the mirror in your room with your white trenchcoat." </p><p>"...Your eyes are sharp."</p><p>"They are... You think losing weight will cure all of your problems. Well, you will make yourself suffer more that way. Beel is more exprienced in this area then I am, so he will help you out."</p><p>"The others?" She asked out of curiosity.</p><p>"It'll ruin the surprise if I told you." Lucifer said, with a look that implied her to stop trying to change the subject. She got the memo, quieted down, and Lucifer continued. "I can post your stories online for you, and I can also give you a device to write with. Like yhst typewriter you liked so much when we were talking the other day, or maybe we'll get a computer installed in your room, and you can write there. Your hand hurts when you write with a pen, am I wrong?"</p><p>"Yeah. But..."</p><p>"Worried about Devilgram and your online friends?"</p><p>He got a small nod as a reply, and put a hand on her shoulder firmly. <br/>"We can figure that out later. But what these people have done to you, like sending you explicit pictures and death threats, is a crime in Devildom and I cannot overlook that. I need to confiscate your phone so I can have a reason to put them in the dungeons. I promise, no eyes besides mine will see the data on your phone."</p><p>"But... There are a lot of weird things. Embarassing things. Things I've drawn, messed up things I've written, like, really messed up. Badly written... things, for example. And weird conversations I had in secret, it's really embarssing. Those things should stay as secrets. You'll hate me if you see it."</p><p>
  <i>Poor, poor human... Put all of her self worth and right to be loved inside this device. What a pity.</i>
</p><p>"..." Lucifer got up from his seat, planning to carry out his last plan in order. He had to get that phone no matter what, and he didn't want to do it with force, and put more stress on her. Her parents and siblings never showed any patience and consideration for it, and he wasn't going to get on their level.</p><p>"...What happened to the coffee?" She asked all of a sudden, assuming that the conversation was over. Little did she now, Lucife was going to tempt her with something that she had been wanting for so long, on purpose. Was it devilish? It was, but acting like a child with a child is the best way to do things sometimes.</p><p>"What coffee?" The man questioned -fakely- and looked around on the table, then back at the kettle with confusion -that was an act as well-. The water inside the kettle have been boiled and evaporated completely. They haven't heard the water's boiling, or the kettle's ungodly sounds this entire time. "We forgot about the damn kettle..." She said and threw her head back, laughing loudly. She put a hand over her eyes and another one on her stomach. Her nerves were very cracked after hours of crying and being comforted, and it was showing the side effects of it now. Taking a deep breath in, she checked the clock from her phone. It was nearing 12 AM, it was only then that she realized how much time they have spent in this office. </p><p>"Indeed... Though there is no need to worry. I still have coffee, and a small surprise for you." </p><p>"Surprise?"</p><p>He walked to his desk once again and stood behind it, looking at her directly in the eye. He fondled the handle of one of the mugs there absent mindedly. "Yes. A very pleasant one on top of that." </p><p>And slowly turned the mug around to reveal a rainbow coloured cat with a horn, along with a signature on it.</p><p>Before Lucifer could blink, she jumped up from her seat and slammed her hands on the desk. She leaned on the desk in an instant, inspecting the mug carefully with curious and very excited eyes. They were sparkling, a soft and amazed gasp leaving her. She was speechless as she took the mug and looked at Lucifer.</p><p>"...It's The Gay Unicorn Cat... Lucifer, it's The Gay Unicorn Cat! From The Limited Time-Only Sale Series on Mononoke Island Merchandise Collection! There's only like, 8 of these made, and it changes colour with hot water to her human form! She's also the only lesbian character in the game! In the entire game, I'm telling you! It's her! It's really her!" She jumped up and down like a kid, staring at him with wide eyes. "Where did you get this!? It's so cool!"</p><p>"I picked it from the website, with a certain brain dead brother of mine's, and Leviathan's help." He smirked, amused by her extreme reactions. "I thought you would like it... I'm guessing I was correct?"</p><p>"You were... It's the gay unicorn cat, I can't believe it! I can actually hold her in my arms... For real! I'm can hold her!" She reached out to the mug with a wide smile, only to have it pulled away in an instant. </p><p>"A-a-ah." Lucifer held the mug in his hands, savoring the sensation he felt from feeling the human's greed. He wasn't Mammon, but he liked it as well. Still, he was determined to keep her from harm through her entire life at this point.<br/>He didn't know why he was being so... nice to this human. He didn't get why Diavolo was concerned as well, as his worries definetly weren't <i>only</i> caused by the exchange program. There was no way he didn't have a senior-subordinate kind of attachment towards her, as her youthful personality was a nice change in the dark atmosphere of Devildom. But he didn't have a specific reason to be this patient and... generally nice with her. His tone of voice changed without him noticing and got softer when he saw her. He let her feed the cats that came to their backyard when he didn't let Satan do that. He let her out of small troubles if she messed up from time to time. But most importantly, he listened to her. He didn't have to, but he did. </p><p>Was it because he was a formal person overall, that he was doing it for the sake of the program and saving everyone from more paperwork and possible disasters? Or was it something more, had he let himself become softer with time, just because he spent time with a lowly human teenager? It was neither. It was something more complex than that, and he was afraid to face it. It linked to an event that happened thousands of years ago, but he wasn't going to remember it once again.</p><p>"...If you give me your phone right now, I will get things like this for you and help you expand your collection. But if you won't, I won't help you. Getting this thing as the most powerdul demons of hell was hard enough."</p><p>"...But-"</p><p>"Do you want the mug or not?"</p><p>"..."</p><p>She reluctantly put her phone on the desk.</p><p>"Here... Now, gimme the mug. I expect at least 3 more before this whole thing is over."</p><p>"Noted..." He gave the mug and took the phone on the table, locking it inside his drawer to use later. They both gave a deep breath. After a small silence, the smile on her face was gone, a neutral look took it's place. Though her eyes were slowly closing, it only then accured to Lucifer how late it was taking his own phone from the couch, he put it inside his pocket and walked towards the door. </p><p>"Now, you should sleep. Barbatos and Diavolo excused all your studies for tomorrow, along with my brothers. I'll text them now. Don't destroy the house while I'm gone." </p><p>"You're not gonna stay?"</p><p>"RAD would burn down if I'm not present." Lucifer opened the door and revealed the neatly organized library there, the the lamps were out, so the only source of light was the small candles on the walls. Keeping candles in a room full of paper, flammabke ink and fabric isn't the wisest desicion but that wasn't her business. She took one step outside, and looked at her feet for a few seconds. Building up courage, she lifted her head up.</p><p>"Will you stay with me until I sleep?"</p><p>Lucifer felt a smile formimg on his face.</p><p>"Only until you sleep. Then, I will retire to my own room."</p>
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